It is my belief... no. It's been my... NO. It IS my BELIEF...

Just like that. I can't even start my blog without a question.

At what point do the questions stop? At what point does one say "No"? At what point should one accept this reality for what it is, and not go on saying to oneself "I can live in a pipe dream and go on thinking up more ways to prove that I don't exist!" Cognito Ergo Sum and all that bullshit. Fuck you, Decartes.

Let's begin again...

It is my BELIEF (yep, belief. Whoa. Still have those?) that everyone has something that they cling to. That they... well, believe. Many have religion. Others have drugs. Still others have "that sweet milk philosophy" to help them along. Me, you say? Well, it wasn't much, but I had something called honour. That's what I clung to. And yes, I'm using the past tense deliberately.

Dictionary.com defines honour as:

1: the state of being honored
2: a tangible symbol signifying approval or distinction; "an award for bravery"
3: the quality of being honorable and having a good name; "a man of honor"
4: a woman's virtue or chastity

Of course, let us not forget honour's charming antonym, *dishonour*. Let's have a look see:

Dishonour:

1. Loss of honor, respect, or reputation.
2. Th e condition of having lost honor or good repute.
3. A cause of loss of honor: was a dishonor to the club.
4. Failure to pay or refusal to accept a note, a bill, or another commercial obligation.

1. To bring shame or disgrace upon.
2. To treat in a disres pectful or demeaning manner.
3. To fail or refuse to accept or pay (a note, bill, or check, for example).

Honour is a very strange thing. One can have one's honour taken from oneself. In some ways, it's a very tangible arbitrary concept (or as tangible as an arbitrary concept could ever be). In older times, it could even be bought as a commodity.

Yes. I was of the opinion that honour is a posession. Something that can be lost.

Something that can be taken away from you.

I was stripped of my h onour.

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As I previously stated, I clung to honour. An ill-concieved faith in honour. In the decency of others. Honour codified, if you will. Gentlemanly conduct. Call it what you will.

It was my fait h. It was what I believed in...

FAITH, not religion, falls apart when presented with irrefutable evidence. Without faith, religion is nothing. This whole fiasco has presented me with "proof" that the world in which we live in is not an honourable on e... not a decent one. The indecency and ''ungentlemanly'' way in which people live has PROVED to me that my faith in honour was groundless.

Now I am left with the question: Do I follow a set of beliefs I know to be wrong?

My first answer is: "No! O ne cannot follow the tenets of a belief system one knows to be wrong!"

But then comes the next question... "What is wrong?" And so, thanks to what can only be described as a Moebius of thought, I'm right back to where I started:

At what point do the questions stop?