Where to start...
I've let down so many people in the past forty-eight hours. I've lied to my family, and my friend. How pathetic is that?
I lied to friggin' NEALE. Granted, I didn't lie to him about how I was feeling, but I tried to decieve him all the same! I've never done that before! You don't lie to your best friend!
Fuck.
I think it's sorted out, though. He's not the kind to bear a grudge. I only hope, Neale, that you know how incredibly terrible I feel about it, and that your friendship means a great deal to me. To quote Team America... "I treasure your friendship!!" *grins*
Neale's dad drove me home this evening. I'd like to think that it was done out of kindness, and, to some extent, I think it was. But the fact is, he doesn't trust me anymore, nor does Neale's mother. They've been parents to me, for all intents and purposes. Sounds corny, I know (Neale, this isn't melodrama, nor is it music hall), but it's true. And now I've lost their trust. Hell.
In Nanaimo, I am nothing more than a sideshow. At best. I found a community of people who were too good to be true. None of them have been cruel, malevolant or unkind. And yet, I just feel as if I've become some kind of pathetic source of amusement for them. Them. That word's not a fun one to use.
"My God Bones... What have I done?"ˇ
I've let down so many people in the past forty-eight hours. I've lied to my family, and my friend. How pathetic is that?
I lied to friggin' NEALE. Granted, I didn't lie to him about how I was feeling, but I tried to decieve him all the same! I've never done that before! You don't lie to your best friend!
Fuck.
I think it's sorted out, though. He's not the kind to bear a grudge. I only hope, Neale, that you know how incredibly terrible I feel about it, and that your friendship means a great deal to me. To quote Team America... "I treasure your friendship!!" *grins*
Neale's dad drove me home this evening. I'd like to think that it was done out of kindness, and, to some extent, I think it was. But the fact is, he doesn't trust me anymore, nor does Neale's mother. They've been parents to me, for all intents and purposes. Sounds corny, I know (Neale, this isn't melodrama, nor is it music hall), but it's true. And now I've lost their trust. Hell.
In Nanaimo, I am nothing more than a sideshow. At best. I found a community of people who were too good to be true. None of them have been cruel, malevolant or unkind. And yet, I just feel as if I've become some kind of pathetic source of amusement for them. Them. That word's not a fun one to use.
"My God Bones... What have I done?"ˇ
posted by Kahloke | 2:07 AM
7 Comments:
This probably isn't the best time, but mad props to the Star Trek quotes. I loved classic Star Trek.
Dont eve think youre some sort of novelty that will soon wear off with us nanaimo kids! yeah, so we dont talk much, who cares? As soon as you live here ( better be soon..) we;ll all hang otu lots and you;ll see that we actually LIKE you, and no matter how much you let our ocmpliments bounce off you, you'll understand that you are truly amazing.
That is all.
*smiles* This is where I'd be saying, I told you so, but I won't.
Ah, Geoff, my good friend. You know that you're not targeted in my angry rants. Good man, Geoff. Good man.
Like I said, none of them have treated me with malevolance. I stand by that. It's just frustrating to have fast friends slowly remove themselves from your life. T'is life.
It's not that their phasing you out or anything, it's just that you're far away, and they're busy, and so it semi-naturally happens. It doesn't mean they don't want to be friends with you/hang out with you.
Llowyn
While you and I are not what I would call close friends, I feel as though I am enriched by your presence. Both directly and indirectly. When I get to see you (rarely) I enjoy your presence. That is not to say that I look upon you as a source of amusement for my benifit, but simply that I (so far!) have enjoyed your company. Less directly, I find that your influence on my dear friend Barbara's life has greatly impacted me. It brings me great joy to watch you make her happy.
That being said, I apologise. I really and truely would love to get to know you better, the small amount that I DO know you has made me feel that way. So please! add me to MSN! mel_chantal@hotmail.com, e-mail me, and I will return this (same address) or call me! we will chat! whatever. Just know you don't have to feel used, which I think is how that post came across for me....
Get in touch, and thank you for you presense (ack I cannot spell if I were tested for my life)
Mel
sweets, I hope you do not mean me in this rant...! I promise you, I understand the pain of having to call someone you love a "them" and know that you are excluded. I would never ever EVER have that pain put upon you, my dear! If you feel cut out, I promise you, it is because of distance, ONLY! And that can be fixed easily enough, I do promise! We love you tons, sweet-heart!
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